A Little About Me…

I’ll admit it. I’m a recovering control freak. I worked to get the highest grades, chased the best jobs, worked toward a fairy-tale life. It came easy to me… until it didn’t.

My early adult years were pretty smooth. I was a bit of a type-A personality - always the group leader through school, quick to land any job I wanted and fast-tracked into leadership roles. I had everything under control.

Or so I thought.

I began to encounter events that were not under my control, and this threw me into a tailspin.

Perfectionist anyone?

I wasn’t able to control my struggle with infertility. Or the special physical and mental health needs of my children. Or the substance abuse of a close friend. Or the onset of chronic illness that changed how my body functions... permanently.

I tried. I was relentless! In true type-A personality, supermom fashion, I shifted my focus from my successful career and my own self-care to 100% problem-solver. I could get back in the game after I had fixed everyone - right?

Right???

I balanced things in the best way possible until my older child hit burnout. She was 7 years old. I wish that I had actually known at the time that it was burnout - and how to handle it.

That period of time began a steep dive into doing everything that I could to try solving her problems, ‘curing’ her, ‘fixing’ her, etc. Everything that our ableist society assumes that a mother can do. Should do.

Time and time again, I hit a wall. No one was helping - no doctor, therapy, treatment, school, test. Nothing was working and my child’s mental health was deteriorating. She became unable to attend school. She could not participate in anything outside of our home. Soon she could rarely leave our home without extreme anxiety and frightening meltdowns. Professionals were asking questions about my mothering because her meds were not helping. She was no longer safe.

I tried everything that I could.

I channeled my time and energy (and sleep) into research. I added incredible medical doctors to our team and reached out to every resource I could find. I read books, attended webinars. I knew that if I just learned more - or tried another parenting strategy - or spent more time nurturing - or said yes to more ideas/people/tasks/SOMETHING MORE - everything would be good. Everyone would be safe. Happy. Calm.

Yeah… so that didn’t work.

I had thought it was all about me. Me giving. Me putting myself last. Me controlling everyone by trying to make them happy and fix their problems. This is what we are taught to do, as women, right? I finally found myself in a state of extreme stress, exhaustion, and anxiety. I was drowning in caregiver fatigue and barreling toward burnout myself.

My family was struggling, my health was suffering. I was becoming depressed because I was no longer doing anything for myself. Life as I was living it was simply not sustainable.

I had lost myself. I was drowning in fearful parenting.

After my mother lost her fight to cancer, I felt a sense of mortality and finally took a long pause to consider my life. I needed a paradigm shift, and this led me to finding a coach.

Through my work, I learned the importance of, and how to manage, boundaries and self-compassion. I learned that while I can’t control the fact that I have chronic illness - I can greatly impact my health through my lifestyle and thought work. I was able to realize that I cannot control the special health needs of my children, but I can be my best self with them. I can give what I am able, without trying to pour from an empty cup. I learned about the importance of community and resources.

More than anything else, I learned about mindset.

Mindset work was the turning point for me. I was able to reflect on my life and determine what had led to the ideas I was having about being ‘the perfect mom’, not making mistakes, being good and avoiding failure.

I learned that I cannot control my children - I can only hope to influence them. I learned how human behavior works and I began to apply these skills within my own life.

Once I began working on the thoughts that I was having, and figuring out where these thoughts were created, how to change them - life began to dramatically change for me.

It turns out that I can be a good parent, spouse, and friend by taking care of ME. Losing myself - my career goals, my hobbies, my social life - was not helping anyone. By spending most of my energy and brain space on caring for my children in a fear-based world, I had lost sight of myself and was not the best version of me as a person or a parent.

Through finally understanding my personal work and doing it - I found myself again, and it has been AMAZING.

This was my trigger for a complete career change and a focus on guiding other parents who struggle with fear-based parenting. Safety, I found, is the key to freedom. And freedom is at the core of what every human being truly wants in their lives. Freedom to do what they want to do, be the person they were born to be.

As a parent of two internationally-adopted children with complex health and attachment needs, I have been there. I understand how difficult this is, and I am passionate to help other parents find the freedom that I myself have found.

Safety leads to self-trust. Self-trust leads to empowerment. Empowerment leads to freedom and abundance in life.

My passion has become my career. I armed myself with the skills to help others by studying nutrition at the University of Bridgeport and obtaining master coaching certification from the Dr. Sear’s Wellness Institute and then national board certification through the National Board of Health and Wellness Coaching.

I love working with other parents and guiding them from fear-based parenting into confident and empowered parenting! This process changes their lives and can provide peace, joy, and the discovery again that they are a worthy and beautiful ‘self’.